Penny for your Thoughts

Schatz: (delighttfully as she looks at her X-ray) That's my money!

Mommy: What did you do with that penny?

Schatz: I ate it in my mouth and it's in my belly. They take my picture at the doctor. See...my money.

Mommy: Why did you eat the money?

Schatz: Because I can eat the money. See. In my mouth.

***

Later...

Doctor: Did you eat the penny?

Schatz: (nodding) Yes.

Doctor: Did it taste good?

Schatz: No.

Doctor: Are you going to eat the penny again?

Schatz shrugs her shoulders.

Tattle Tale

Daddy came home from work this yesterday....Schatz met him at the front door.

Schatz: I went pee pee on the potty. (pointing at me) Mommy put candy on your computer!!

Name Calling

Schatz: (Calling from the top of the stairs) Raaaaaa-ger.

Daddy: I'm not answering to Roger. My name is Daddy.

Schatz: Raaaa-ger, come here. I need a talk a you.

Daddy: I'm not Roger to you. I'm Daddy.

Schatz: Roger! I need you.

Daddy says nothing.

Schatz: (after a few seconds) Daddy!

Daddy: (walks over to the staircase to talk to Schatz) What Katie?

Schatz: I love you....(huge grin crosses her face)....Roger.

Just the Mother

Maura started school a few weeks late because of the move. I walked her to school yesterday morning to help her find some supplies she thought she was missing.

Boy in her class: Are you our substitute teacher?

Maura: No! She's just my mo-THER.

Ominous Warning (to the Childless Couple Dining One Booth Over)

Me: Good Job, Schatz.

Schatz: I tell Daddy my good job?

Me: Yes, honey, you can tell Daddy what a good job you did.

Schatz (yelling about four tables away from where her daddy is sitting): I went poopy, Daddy, I went poopy on the potty!

As any good mother would do, I averted my gaze as the eyes bulged out of the sockets of the cute (and obviously childless) couple one booth over.

Can't Argue With Her Logic

Mom: No, I'm not buying that. (Disney Princess Figurines from the Disney Store)

Maura: Why?

Mom: Because I've already bought that twice and I'm not buying it again.

Maura: But we love it so much that we play with it all the time. Of couse, it's eventually going to break!

Other People's Kids

Here are some funny things my friends' kids* said.

"Well, I feel like I pretty much know everything now!"
Kenny, (age 9)


When told to put his legos away, brush his teeth and get ready for bed. Andy (age 5) said: "But Mommy, my job doesn't end at 5, and there are so many distractions in my day--I have to work late."


"...Andy, don't jump off the furniture."
His response: "Don't worry, Mommy, I promise not to die without your permission."


Mom: I love you Harry.
Harry: Nooo, I don't want it!


*names have been changed to protect the guilty

My Patriot

First day back in America we all woke up at 2am. Jet Lag. We decided to take the kids out of the hotel so our neighbors could sleep. Upon hearing that we were going to IHOP for breakfast:

Maura: But it's the middle of the night.

Me: In America lots of shops are open all night.

Maura: AMERICA ROCKS!

Mama's Little Parrot

After a thirteen hour flight and almost 24 hours of traveling, we arrived at our hotel. The kids were pretty sleep deprived and juiced up. I was a little cranky. After some shenanigan or another, I was speaking very sharply with the girls.

Me: Kaitlyn! I said stop TOUCHING!!

Kaitlyn (holding up her hand and in a steady voice): Mommy. Calm. Down.

Career Advice

Maura: If I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth?

Me(sweating): Of course, what do you want to know.

Maura: Do you like the way I sing? Do I sound exactly like Hannah Montana?

Me: No, I don't think you sound exactly like Hannah Montana, but, yes, I like the way you sing. Why do you ask?

Maura: Because I love to sing, Mommy. I want to sing for people when I grow up.

Me: When we get to Colorado, we should see if you can sing with the choir at church. Does that sound like a good idea?

Maura (wrinkling her nose): I don't want to sing in the choir at church, Mommy. I only want to sing in rock concerts.

The Suite Life

We are in the middle of a move and living in a hotel for a few weeks.

Me: We're just like Eloise.

Maura (blank look on her face) says nothing.

Dad: We're just like Zack and Cody.

Maura (huge grin): OH! (runs off the play)

Riding the Alligator

Schatz: I want to ride the alligator.

Me: Okay, We’ll ride the elevator.

(On the elevator)

Schatz: I like to ride the alligator.

Me: Elevator.

Schatz: Alligator.

Me (slowly, over pronouncing) Elle-VA-tor

Schatz (slowly, over pronouncing) Alli-ga-tor.

Me: Like this, Elle-VA-tor.

Schatz (shrugging her shoulders): That’s what I said. Can’t you hear me.

That's not the answer I want

Schatz (while out walking Lucy): Where's Spooner? (Spooner is our neighbor's dog.)

Me: Spooner's at home.

Schatz: What?

Me: Spooner's at home.

Schatz: What?

Me: Spooner's upstairs with Andrea.

Schatz: What?

Me: I don't know. Where's Spooner?

Schatz: Spooner's at home, Mommy.