Kids Are Very Literal

Aunt Gabrielle and Uncle Jayson made Maura a magnet board for her room. I picked out a quote to go on the wooden frame. The quote is: To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world. We explained what it means to Maura. Last night she took her dad aside

Maura: Okay, you can tell me the truth. Who thinks I'm the world, you or Mom?

Songtress

Singing this little ditty to herself as she pranced around the living room.

Schatz: I'm gonna see my Cou-ou-ou-sin. I'm gonna play with her t-o-o-oys

Critiquing Oz

Me: What happened?

Schatz (taking my hand): Don't worry, Mommy. There is a bubble coming with a Princess.

Me: The Good Witch of the North?

Schatz: Yes, Mommy, the Bubble Princess Witch.

Mom Says Yes.

Schatz (comes upstairs): Daddy is going to make me ice cream.

Me (playing along): Yummy. What kind of ice cream is Daddy making?

Schatz: Chocolate.

Me: Hmmmm. That's my favorite.

Schatz (going back down stairs): Mom says yes, Schatz can have ice cream.

Dad: It's too early for ice cream. We're not having ice cream.

Schatz: But Mom says yes.

Tattling on the Boys

We went letterboxing today. Schatz found an amazing "octopus" tree (it looked like an upside down octopus) that was amazing for climbing. There were three other little boy playing in the tree, too. They were playing pirates and Schatz was playing "Mad Queen". I was keeping one eye on the kids, but was mostly just enjoying the Indian Summer day when I caught wind of a conversation...

Schatz: You can't say that word. That's a bad word. I'm a tell Mommy.

Me (to Schatz): The boys said a bad word? (The boys were about four.) Are you sure? What did the boys say?

Schatz: Shit.

Boys' Dad (to me): He said he was on a pirate ship.

Scahtz: That's what I said.

Sh!t

Until today, my philosophy for swear words and toddlers has been to ignore it when your toddler says a swear word and they'll forget about the word. This philosophy worked with Maura, but Schatz's a little too smart for her own good.

Schatz (to herself as she's dumping the pebbles out of her boots): Shit, shit, shit!

Me: That's a bad word, Schatz, if you say that word again I'm going to spank your butt.

Schatz (looking me in the eye): Sh-sh-sh-sh (maintaining eye contact) i-i-i (I cock my head to the left and Schatz puts her index finger to her lips) Sh-sh-sh

Presents for Cousins II

Schatz woke up this morning with a mission. She called her cousin's house. It was the wrong cousin. And she hung up without talking.

Phone Rings at 7 AM

Daddy: Hello?

Uncle Allan: What'cha calling so early for?

Daddy: We didn't call...(to Schatz) Schatz, did you call on the telephone?

Schatz: I need to play with the present. Cousin said yes.

Daddy explains what happened to Uncle Allan, both have a good chuckle.

Schatz: I talk?

Daddy hands the phone to Schatz.

Schatz: Is it okay if I play with your present? Okay, bye.

Presents for Cousins

We are planning a trip home to see our family. So we are buying my neice and nephews little presents to help break the ice. Schatz REALLY likes the present we bought her youngest cousin.

Schatz: Will you open this? I wanna play with it.

Me: No, sweetie. That's a present for your cousin.

Schatz: He said yes, Mommy. (This is a present for a girl cousin)

Me: She didn't say yes, Schatz. She's not here.

Schatz: I called her.

Me: No, Schatz. That's a present for your cousin.

Schatz frowned, but let it go. She insisted on carrying the present around the store. When we got home...

Schatz (handing me the phone): I need to call my cousin, Mommy.

Me: It's awfully late to be calling your cousin.

Schatz: I have to ask her, Mommy. She say yes.

Seatbelts and Consequences

Schatz likes to wiggle her arms out of the straps of her carseat.

Me: Put your seatbelt back on. (She puts her arms back in the straps. I tug the clasp back up to her chest.)

five minutes later

Me: Put your seatbelt back on. If you take off your seatbelt again I'm going to take away your treat. (She puts her arms back in the straps. I tug the clasp back up to her chest.)

five minutes later

Me: Put your seatbelt back on. Give me your treat.

Schatz: No, no, I'm sorry! I'll put my seatbelt on.

Me: Sorry. These are the consequences. Treat.

(She hands me the treat. She puts her arms back in the straps. I tug the clasp back up to her chest.)

Schatz: I'm sorry, Mommy. I have my treat?

Me: No, you took off your seatbelt. We'll try again next time.

Schatz: Yeah. Maybe next time I'll leave my seatbelt on.

Negotiations

Schatz: Can I take a shower with you?

Me: Not today. Can Mommy take a shower by herself today? After my shower, I'll let you play in the bath. Okay?

Schatz: Oh, thank you, Mommy. You make my heart super happy.

Sisters in Arms

Me: Maura, please sign this card for Corbyn's Birthday.

Maura signs the card. Schatz picks up the card to play the music one more time.

Maura: That's not yours. That's for my cousin.

Schatz: Not your cousin. He's my cousin.

Maura (insulted): He's my cousin, too!

Schatz (to me): Tell her he's my cousin.

Me: He's your cousin, but he's Maura's cousin too. You share cousins because Maura is your sister.

Schatz: Okey-Dokey. (Opens the card to play the music one more time.)

Sleeping Beauty

Schatz: It's my turn! (The kids take turns opening the garage door with the clicker).

I hand the clicker back. Garage door opens and Schatz gives back the clicker. I get out of the car and by the time I open her car door to unbuckle her from her carseat...she is fast asleep.

Mom (playing along): Oh, my Schatz is asleep. I better be careful so I don't wake her up.

Schatz: No wake sleeping Schatz.

I carry Sleeping Schatz into the house. She even snuggles her face into my neck. I carefully lay her on the couch. She wakes up.

Schatz (stretching): That was a good siesta, Mommy.

Thoughts on Hiking

When asked if she wanted to go hiking:

Schatz: I'm going to pee pee in the grass.