They Are On To Me

The Children's Museum has a playground outside of it.

Schatz: Can we stop and play at playpark?

Mommy: We'll see.

Schatz (two minutes later): Can we stop and play at playpark?

Mommy: We'll see.

Schatz (stamps her feet): 'We'll see' means NO!

Mommy: We'll see. Let's ask Daddy before I say yes or no.

Maura (to Schatz): Stop asking or she's going to say no.

Bieber Fever

Schatz likes walking around Bass Pro Shop looking at all the dioramas.

Schatz: What's that?

Mom: a bear

Schatz: What's that?

Mom: a lynx

Schatz (walking across the bridge): What's that?

Mom: a beaver

Schatz: That's not a beaver, Mommy, that's a Justin Beaver.

Where Babies Come From...

My mother is visiting from Idaho.

Roger (to my mom): Do you mind if Jamie and I run down to the basement real quick?

Grandma (flippantly calling after us as we were heading downstairs): As long as in nine months you give me another grand baby.

After we were gone...

Maura (to Grandma): How are they going to do that?

Innocent, But Only On A Technicality

When we are getting into the car, I usually tell Schatz that it's "her job" to sit down in her car seat. Then I buckle her in and off we go. This is our routine and it keeps her from playing around in the car while I'm trying to get her loaded. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way.

Mom: Hop in the car, kiddo.

I got around to the trunk and load our stuff. When I came around to buckle her seatbelt, she was playing in the backseat (not in her car seat.)

Mom: Oh, Schatz, I'm so sad. You didn't do your job.

Schatz: Yes, I did.

Mom: You are not in your seat.

Schatz: You didn't tell me to get in my seat. You told me to get in the car.

Mom (pausing): You're right.

Schatz: Mommy, I'm very sad. You are supposed to say, (imitating me with a higher pitched voice) "Good Job, Schatz!" (back in a regular voice) You didn't say that.

Mom: Good job, Schatz.

Schatz: Thank you, Mommy.

Schatz sits down in her car seat.

Schatz: You can put my seatbelt on, Mommy.

Daddy's Little Coronary

Maura: What are you going to do when I get a boyfriend?

Mom: I don't know. I'll probably ask a lot of questions. Are you going to tell me when you get a boyfriend?

Maura (thinking): I'll probably tell you, but I don't know if we should tell Daddy.

Mom: Don't you think Daddy wants to know?

Maura (thoughtfully): Mom, I just don't know if he is ready to handle something like that.

Friends and Parents

Daddy (at the bottom of the stairs): Come give Daddy a kiss goodnight.

Schatz (at the top of the stairs): Mommy, I'm going to kiss my friend.

Mommy: He is not your friend. He's your daddy.

Schatz (insulted): Why he is not my friend?

I tried to explain that it's not an insult, but she remains unconvinced.

Before Her Coffee...

This morning I woke up before the kids. I was on the computer when I heard Schatz coming down the stairs...

Mom (perhaps too perkily): Good morning!

Schatz growled. No really. She growled.

Mom: I love you! Did you sleep good?

Schatz (yelled): I DON'T LOVE YOU! DON'T SEE ME!!