Swearing Like A (19th Century...Scottish?) Sailor

Roger and I were playing around at the pool when Schatz came up...

Me: Dad's being mean to me.  He said the S*word!

Schatz (gasps): He did?

Me:  Oh, yes!  And he said the H word!

Roger: I did not!

Schatz (scandalized, but inquisitive): Which one is the H word?

Me (whispering in her ear): Homework.

Schatz:  I hope he doesn't say the B word next.

Me (pausing):  which one is the B word?

Schatz (whispering in my ear): Bloody Hell.**

* the S word at our house is "Shut up" or "stupid".  The girls get in trouble for saying either.

** Um...she didn't learn that from us. We do need to watch our mouths around the kiddos, but Neither of us say "bloody hell', where ever she picked it up it was still pretty funny.

Would That Many Candles Even Fit On the Cake?

Dad:  Can anyone guess what's happening next week?

Schatz:  It's your BIRTHDAY!

Dad:  That's right!  You are getting a treat!

Maura:  Hey! What about me?

Dad:  You are going to get a treat, too....If you can guess what day my birthday is!

Maura (pausing to think):  May 20th

Dad:  That's RIGHT!

Schatz:  Oh!  That was EASY!

Maura:  No!

Dad:  But can you tell me what YEAR I was born?
[LONG silence]

Maura (tentatively): um...1877?

Dad (talking over Mom):  Close.  1977.

Mom (talking over Dad):  Yes! 1877!

Greatest Job Ever!!!

I recently took a (part time) job at the airport. I was trying to explain to the kids what I will be doing at work. The airport is small so some of my duties are on the Tarmac.

Me: I'm the lady at the counter who checks you in when you are going on a big trip. I might also be the lady who looks at your ticket and lets you board the plane. Some days I will get to help direct passengers to the terminal or to the plane.  

Schatz: Anything else?

Me: Maybe if I do a REALLY good job they will let me drive the little car that pulls the luggage. That would be cool!

Schatz (clearly excited about my prospects):  That would be so cool! Do you know the only thing that would be cooler?

Me: ...if they let me fly the plane?

Schatz (wrinkling her nose):   No. Not that. The only thing cooler would be if they let you be the lady with the SNACKS!  [the flight attendant]

Hide and Seek

 

We play Brain Quest from time to time when we find ourselves waiting somewhere.  Sometimes she gets on a roll and her answers are a little...outside the box.

 

 



Schatz:  The Hunger Games

She's a Carnivore...not a Vegetarian

After eating all the beef out of her "Rainbow Beef" (think sweet and sour beef) rice bowl...

Schatz:  I'm done.  Can I have some more of yours?

Dad:  Aren't you going to eat the rest?

Schatz:  No.  I don't like that stuff.

Dad (looking in the bowl):  You don't like green peppers? and pineapple? and rice?

Schatz (sighing deeply):  No.  I can't eat that stuff.  I'm not a vegetarian.

Overworked Much?

Maura has been doing her own laundry for a few weeks now.  From time to time an odd shirt or errant sock will still find its way into the loads I'm washing.  Yesterday...

Me (tossing Maura a sock):  Here.  Will you go put this away?

Maura:  A sock?  Master has given Dobby a sock?  Dobby is FREE!

The Olden Days

Schatz:  Daddy?  In the olden days, when you were a kid, did they have pens?

Not to be overlooked by a similar observation Maura made around Christmas when we were watching "It A Wonderful Life".

Maura:  Mom, I'll bet you were pretty happy when they started making movies in color.