Oozing Charm

When we go on base to the grocery store, Schatz likes to be in charge of showing the gate guard my ID card. It's her special job and the guards humor her. Today was especially charming.

Guard (looking at ID card): This doesn't look like you.

Schatz (giggles): Yes.

Guard: Do you get to be in charge of the ID card?

Schatz (shyly): Yes.

Guard: Well, you are doing a great job.

Schatz (smiles at him and shots him the finger guns): Thanks.

Guard laughs and gives her the ID card.

Schatz (yelling out the window as we pull away from the gate): Merry Christmas!!

Playing Doctor

Maura has contracted a rare illness that plagues many third grade classrooms. The symptoms are a non-febrile headache or stomach ache that present only on weekdays no later than 7am, but clear up by 9:30. The school nurse is no help. At the first complaint of stomach ache or headache she calls me to come pick up my child. This morning is the first morning that I've decided to play hardball.

Maura: I don't feel good.

Me (feeling her forehead): What hurts, honey?

Maura: My head and my stomach and my throat.

Me: Let's take your temperature.

Maura: Can I stay home from school?

Me: If your temperature is over 100 then you can stay home from school.

I pop the thermometer in her mouth and go back to my room to make my bed. After a few minutes the thermometer beeps.

Me (from the bedroom): What does it say?

Maura: 186! I can't go to school.

I walk back into the bathroom and turn the digital thermometer around.

Me: 98.1 Sorry, Maura, you are going to school today.

Maura: But that's practically 100!

A "Let Them Eat Cake" Moment...

A package came in the mail today from Cousin Bob. It was games for the family and we are all very excited.

Kaitlyn (getting more and more excited): Oh, OH, OH!!!!

Mommy: Cousin Bob sent you that.

Kaitlyn: Why?

Mommy: Because he likes you. Were you friends with Bob when he came to visit?

Kaitlyn: Oh, yes, Mommy. I was very kind to Bob. I let him read my books.


(Now, dear reader, she says she let Bob read her books, but really he was reading her books TO HER at her request!!)

Secret Life of the American Third Grader

Maura: Would you be mad at me if I was 16 and got (voice drops to a whisper) pregnant?

Mommy (cautiously): No, I wouldn't be mad at you.

Maura: Would you keep my baby or would you give it away?

Mommy (long uncomfortable pause): It wouldn't be my baby. It would be your baby. You would have to decide to keep it or give it up for adoption. I think I would try to help you no matter what you decided. Why are you asking me all these questions?

Maura: I was just wondering...Are you sure you wouldn't be mad?

Mommy: If you were pregnant it wouldn't be very helpful for Mommy to be mad, but I would be very disappointed for you. And I think I would be very disappointed in you, too.

Maura (in a high pitched, defensive voice): But, Mom.....It's not my fault!!

This was a great opening for yet another conversation about babies, where they come from, and why it's not something that happens to you by accident.

The Olden Days

Actual CSAP question from my third grader's study guide:

If you wanted to know about the desert would you look in:
A) an encyclopedia
B) the dictionary
C) an atlas
D) your English Language textbook


Maura: Mommy, what's an encyclopedia?

Mommy: It's a big set of books that have specific information about a topic. If you want to know more about a certain topic, you'd read about it in an encyclopedia.

Maura: Why wouldn't you just google it?

Mommy: Well, when I was a little girl, the Internet hadn't been invented yet. We had to look in the encyclopedia.

Maura (sounding devastated): Oh, Mommy, what did you do without your Facebook?

(Sounds of Daddy's laughter can be heard from the other room where he's been eavesdropping...)

Kids are Brutal!

We're reading a few chapters of Old Yeller every night. We're at the part where Travis was attacked by the hogs. Travis has patched up Yeller as best he can and pushed him into a makeshift shelter to protect him from any hogs that might return.

Mommy (tears running down my cheeks...in a low, serious whisper): Do you want to read one more chapter to see if Mama can patch up Yeller?

Maura (nonchalantly): Naw, it'll keep until tomorrow.

Family Dynamics

We were running errands the other day and Schatz was being difficult. Roger just needed to get one thing at the last stop.

Daddy: Is it okay if you and Kaitlyn stay in the car while I just run into the store really quickly?

Mommy: That's fine.

Schatz (protesting): NO! Daddy, I want to go in the store.

Daddy: Not this time. I'll be really fast.

Schatz: But you have to take me. I'm your little sister. You can't leave your little sister.

Daddy: You aren't my little sister.

Schatz (after thinking for a minute): Well, I'm someone's little sister!