Playing Doctor

Maura has contracted a rare illness that plagues many third grade classrooms. The symptoms are a non-febrile headache or stomach ache that present only on weekdays no later than 7am, but clear up by 9:30. The school nurse is no help. At the first complaint of stomach ache or headache she calls me to come pick up my child. This morning is the first morning that I've decided to play hardball.

Maura: I don't feel good.

Me (feeling her forehead): What hurts, honey?

Maura: My head and my stomach and my throat.

Me: Let's take your temperature.

Maura: Can I stay home from school?

Me: If your temperature is over 100 then you can stay home from school.

I pop the thermometer in her mouth and go back to my room to make my bed. After a few minutes the thermometer beeps.

Me (from the bedroom): What does it say?

Maura: 186! I can't go to school.

I walk back into the bathroom and turn the digital thermometer around.

Me: 98.1 Sorry, Maura, you are going to school today.

Maura: But that's practically 100!