Thursday, August 27, 2015

Babies and Ring Tones

We recently moved back to the United States and are adjusting to living in the "big city".   Yesterday we were getting one of the kids the last of their vaccinations when we heard "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" being played over the hospital PA system. We were pretty busy with the business at hand so we didn't ask about the music.  While we were waiting the mandatory post vaccination 15 minutes in the waiting room, we hear the melody again.

Schatz: What was that?

Me: I'm not sure. 

(a minute or so later)

Me:  I'll bet they play that whenever a baby is born.

Schatz:  No.  It's probably not that.

Me:  Go ask the receptionist.

Schatz (who has become self conscious): I can't ask that.  That's not a clever question.

Me:  You don't have to ask if a baby was born.  You can ask the receptionist why the music is playing.

Schatz went up to the receptionist and had a short conversation.

Schatz (Speaking loudly from across the room):  You were right!  Every time a baby is born they get their own ringtone!

Monday, June 15, 2015

It's Lonely Under This Bus

From a venting session with M.  Her dad told her to stop doing gymnastics because she hurt herself yesterday. Today she got caught doing back bends and walk overs in the backyard and she got in trouble.

M: I didn't think he was serious!

Me: I didn't really think he was serious either, but then I didn't think you were really hurt yesterday.

M: I wasn't faking! I really was hurt. Besides, Abby [from Dance Moms] says you have to work through an injury.

Me: I don't think your Dad is very interested in Abby's opinion. He wants you to give it a rest and let your knee get better. 

M: Well, you can't feel three of your toes* and you still ran a marathon** yesterday.

Me: Why are you throwing me under the bus!?! Besides, runners rarely listen to sound medical advice. Kids have to listen to their dads if they want to stay out of trouble.

* I can totally feel my toes. Now. It was probably just a pinched nerve.

** It was not a marathon.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Schatz (giving me a soft shove a block before the bus stop): You don't know me. I'm just a girl walking to the bus stop by herself. You are just a random runner.

Monday, February 9, 2015


This actually came out of my mouth (mid conversation) while talking to Maura about being called a nerd at school today:  Don't ever dumb yourself down to make the people around you happy.  It's not your job to make everybody happy.  You aren't a jar of Nutella.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Possibly Inappropriate Photos and the iCloud

Maura:  Mom, I need to tell you something, but I want you to know I'm not tattling on Schatz.

Me: Okay.  What do you need to tell me?

Maura:  I don't want to get Schatz in trouble because I don't think she knows how she did it, but she's got a bunch of your iPad photos on her iTouch so don't take any inappropriate pictures that she's not allowed to see.

Me (choking a little and trying not to laugh):  What sort of inappropriate photos do you think I take on my iPad?

Maura:  You the photo you took of my Christmas present so you could show it to Aunt April.  Don't take any of those types of photos until you can figure out what Schatz did.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

House Elf

The kids are on a school break.  Maura had gone to play with a pal.  Schatz was feeling restless and bored.

Dad:  Do you want to go play Bocce Ball in the backyard?

Schatz: No.

Dad:  What do you want to do?

Schatz:  Can we play House Elf*?

Dad:  What is House Elf?

Schatz:  Well, I will be your slave and do chores for you all day like a house elf.  If I do a good job being your house elf you will give me a dollar.

Dad:  What if you do a bad job?

Schatz:  Then you can fire me.

So we spent the afternoon and evening finding jobs for our little house elf to do.  Her daddy did give her a dollar, but after we were finished folding the last load of laundry I tossed her a sock.  The next few hours before bedtime was spent playing Freed House Elf in which she repeatedly told us that she WOULD do something for us, but she didn't HAVE to because she was a free elf.

*Let's hope JK Rowling's copyright protection doesn't include imaginary play acting.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Phew! Thank goodness someone put this back in the fridge! Waste not want not.  Besides the next person might only want about half a thimbleful of Lipton iced tea.