Saturday, April 21, 2012

Setting back the Women's Movement...

Schatz: I want to be a boy.

Mom: Why do you want to be a boy?

Schatz: Two reasons. Boys don't have to brush their hair as much.

Mom: Why don't boys brush their hair as much?

Schatz: Becauce it's so short.

Mom: What is the other reason?

Schatz: Boys don't have to wipe their bottoms when they pee. They just shake it.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Impressionable Children and Kung Fu Panda

This is what happens when an impressionable four year old watches Kung Fu Panda...

Schatz: Do you know what?

Daddy: What?

Schatz: My REAL parents are dead. You just found me and raised me as your own...


I took Maura to see Titanic in 3D today. There were maybe a dozen people in the theater. I wasn't sure how it would go. It gets pretty intense towards the end. It was the steamy motor car scene that made the biggest impression. Or perhaps it's that she was watching this scene with her mother. The camera does a tight shot of Rose and Jack in the motor car...and I hear a little voice to my left...clear as a bell...

Maura: Awk-WARD!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Telephone Etiquette

Upon being scolded for interrupting while Roger was talking to his commanding officer on the telephone...

Roger: I'm sorry that I shushed you, but I asked you to be super quiet while I was on the phone with my boss.

Schatz: Well. Next time, could you just tell your boss that your daughters are talking to you; they don't want to shush; and you'll call him back tomorrow?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Kids are so Transparent!

My neighbors are Muslim and don't eat pork. It's never been a big deal. I am just careful about what I feed their kids when they come over to play. These days the girls are getting sneaky (and I'm pretty sure they came up with this together...)

I was fixing lunch last week when Schatz and Chuku came into the room to tell me something important.

Chuku (age 5): Miss Jamie, I'm allowed to eat pork now.

Schatz: Yes, her dad says it's okay now.

Me (skeptically): Oh, yeah?

Chuku: Yes, so I can have pepperoni and bacon and stuff when I come over for lunch.

Me: Okay, but I'm still probably going to check with your dad before I feed you pork.

Chuku (getting nervous): You don't need to talk to my dad.

Me: I kind of do, Chuku.

Chuku: Well. He doesn't really like to talk about it. It hurts his feelings. He says we can eat pork as long as we don't TALK about it. So I can have the pork, but you don't have to tell him about it.

Me (chuckling a little): It doesn't really work that way, Sweetie. We can't lie to your dad. That's not being honest.

The conversation then turned to honesty and why it's okay to not eat pork...but this part has stuck with me all week.