Thursday, November 29, 2012

Not Regreting Her Life Choices

Me:  Do you like your dinner?

Maura:  Yes.  Why?  What is it?

Me: It's a camel burger.  I wasn't sure if you'd like it.

Maura:  It's really good, Mom.  (pause) Do you want to know what?

Me:  What?

Maura:  I'm so glad I decided not to be a vegetarian.  Meat is so good!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Great Crumb Caper of '12

While cleaning out Schatz's room...

Me: Schatz, you can't eat food in your room.

Schatz:  Why?

Me:  See this (pointing to a beetle)?  When you eat food in your room, the crumbs draw bugs.

Schatz:  Those are NOT my crumbs!

Me: Schatz, please.  No food in your room.  Do you want bugs? 

Schatz (indignantly):  Those are NOT my crumbs. Those are Maura's.

Me: Oh, yeah?  Maura brought the crumbs into your room.

Schatz: Yes. Maura is bringing HER crumbs into my ROOM!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Local Slang

Schatz's picking up a bit of the local slang at school.  It cracks me up. This afternoon I was helping her wash her hands and she didn't like the amount of soap I used.

Schatz (in protest):  Oi!  That's too much soap, Mum!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Teenage Boys at the Pool

We were swimming at the pool yesterday and ran into some boys who are at the age where they have decided to challenge authority.  They were getting in the middle of swimming classes, playing rough, ignoring the (teenage) lifeguards and just being pains in the butts.  They were also eating lolly pops while fooling around in the pool.

Me: Hey, guys.  No food in the pool. 

Snarky Teenage Boy: Says who?

Me:  It's the pool rule. It's not my rule. No food in the pool.

Snarky Teenage Boy:  Well, lollies aren't food.  So there.

Me (lying through my teeth): Alright then, but my kid just peed in the pool and now it's all over your lolly.  Cheers.

It was amusing to me how quickly the lollies found their way to the trashcan.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I Didn't See That Coming

I was giving Kaitlyn a bath.  Maura was sitting on the side of the tub talking to me.

Maura:  When Kaitlyn is done, can I have a bath, too?

Me: Sure.

Maura: Can I have my own water?

I shoot Maura a puzzled look.

Maura:  Or do I have to use Kaitlyn's water?

Me:  I think we can manage a new tub full of water. 

Maura:  Well, Laura Ingalls had to use Mary's water.  She didn't get her own water.

Me:  True, but we've got indoor plumping so I think we'll be okay.


Me:  What I mean is that you can totally have your own bath water...unless you want Kaitlyn's water. 

Maura (in THAT tone that means she's heard this before):  I know....I know....We don't live in the 1800's.  We have indoor plumping. Blah, blah, blah.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Who has more authority? Not Mommy!

Remember those shoes we bought at Goodwill?  Schatz's been lobbying hard to wear them to preschool.  The other morning we were running late and I was losing the battle.

Me: You cannot wear those shoes to preschool.  They are not appropriate.

Scahtz: They are so appropriate. All the girls are wearing them.

Me: Please go put on real shoes.

There was much fighting, crying, and temper tantrum throwing, but she would not take off the shoes. Two minutes before we were walking out the door I had to admit defeat.

Me: Fine.  Put another pair of shoes in your backpack.  We'll ask your teacher.  If she says yes, you can wear those shoes to school.

Schatz: Deal.

We drove to school and Schatz found Mrs. Pearson.

Schatz: Are these shoes appropriate?

Me: I told her that you had final say.  If they are not appropriate, we brought another pair.

Mrs. Pearson put her hands on her knees and leaned down...

Mrs. Pearson: No, Darling, you may not wear those shoes. They are not at all appropriate and you will twist your ankle running.

Schatz (taking off the shoes with no fuss): Awe, Bummer.

end of story

This Can't Say Good Things About My Parenting Skills

Maura:  Can we play a board game after dinner?

Me: Which one do you want to play?

Schatz: Kimberly's game with the dampire*, the lady spanking herself, and the sneaking monkey ninja!

Me: ???

Maura (in explanation):  Quelf.

Me:  Who is the lady who is spanking herself?

Maura:  The one holding the spatula.

Kaitlyn: Oh, Mom, there's a platypus, too.  Those are your favorite.

Schatz/English Dictionary:  Dampire = Vampire

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Schatz's Says The Prayer At Dinner

Schatz:  Dear God, Please bless this food. And please give us enough time after dinner to watch Spider Man before bedtime.  Thank you so much.  It was so nice talking to you.  Amen.