Saturday, February 25, 2012

Friday, February 24, 2012

Timmy's in the Well Again

Schatz: Mom? Is Lucy a rescue dog?

Me: No, Honey, we got her from a breeder.

Schatz: But she could be a rescue dog.

Me: Sorry, Babe, we didn't get her from a rescue.

Schatz: She could so be a rescue dog. I'll bet if I were in trouble she would rescue ME!


Schatz (handing me a bra): Mommy, here's your boob thing.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Who Can Argue with a Purple Heart?

Schatz (rescuing him from the trash): Don't throw away Prince Naveen!

Me: He's broken, baby. Broken toys go in the trash.

Schatz (getting really upset): He's not broken. He got hit with an PGC* in Iraq. He got a purple heart because he's so brave. You can't do this to him!

Me: I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Schatz (under her breath while walking away): He's a hero.

*Scahtz/English Translation: RPG

(Author's Note: I'm pretty sure this is a Ken doll and not Prince Naveen, but really, what's the use in arguing.)

I Still Don't Understand Algebra

Schatz: What is M+3-T ?

Me: Five?

Schatz: No.

Me: Eleven?

Scahtz: Now you are just guessing.

Me: I don't know!

Schatz: It's a color.

Me: Pink?

Schatz (shouting the answer): Chameleon!

Me: Chameleon? That's not a color!

Schatz: It's all the colors!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Meanwhile, in the Amazon

Schatz: Could you fight an anaconda?

Me: No, I couldn't and I don't think I'd want to.

Schatz: Well, my Daddy can. He's got knives and guns and a bow and arrow.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Ironic and Amusing at the Same Time

Maura (age 9): We're making up a play at school.

Me: Whose "we"?

Maura: Julie, Aydenn, Iona, and Lynn.

Me: That sounds really cool.

Maura: We practice it everyday at recess. It's a lot of fun, but it's rated PG-13. (tone becomes very solemn)It's about vampires and stuff. It's really not appropriate for kids under 13.

0% Financing

Schatz: I'm not going to brush my teeth anymore, Mommy. I want them to all fall out.

Me: Why do you want your teeth to fall out?

Schatz: Because Maura wants the Cleo Monster High doll. When all my teeth fall out, I'm going to use my tooth fairy money to buy a Monster High Doll.

Me: But the tooth fairy only pays for healthy teeth. She doesn't give money for rotten teeth.

Schatz (under her breath): Bummer.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Me: Let me hang up this coat and then we'll read your book.

Schatz (running to the kitchen): I'll get the THIN MINTS!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Schatz's Secret Identity

Schatz: Mom?

Me: Yes, Schatz.

Schatz: I'm not Schatz. When I'm wearing these glasses; call me Ghoulia [Yelps].

Me: Okie Dokie.

Schatz: Mom?

Me: Yes, Ghoulia.

Schatz: I love you.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

On Finding the Remote:

Schatz: I found it! I looked in there (pointing to the bottom shelf) and my mind said, "That looks like the remote" so I reached WAAAAY back. And it really was the remote. I found it, Mommy!