Designating the Driver

Dad: Do ya wanna go bye-bye?

Schatz (clapping her hand and jumping up and down): Yes!!

Dad (tossing her the keys): Here you drive.

Schatz (hands on her hips and with an angry voice): No, Daddy, I not a good driver. You have to drive.

Dad is walking away from her to go into the other room.

Schatz (stamping her foot and raising her voice): Do you hear me, Daddy? I not a good driver. I'll bump the cars.

Dad (realizing she doesn't know he's kidding): Okay, Schatz, I'll drive.

Schatz (giving her daddy the keys): I have to get big like you. Let's go bye-bye, Daddy.

Scientific Classification

Schatz: I love ladybugs and flowers, but not flies. They are boys. And not bees because they sting me.

Dad: Are ladybugs girls?

Schatz: No, ladybugs are boys, but butterflies are girls. I love butterflies.

Nap Time

Schatz: Do I have to have a siesta* after I eat?

Me: Yes, you have to take a siesta this afternoon.

Schatz: I can't take a siesta.

Me: Oh, really? Why not?

Schatz: I can't love siestas, Mommy. I love playing with toys.

*I started calling naps "siestas" awhile back because she wouldn't cry when I said she was going to have a siesta.

Emergency Stash

We bought Schatz some new princess underpants the other day. This morning I saw her walking around the living room with an old purse that I gave her sister to play with. The purse was overflowing with her princess loot.

Me: Why did you put all your underpants in your purse?

Schatz: It's for my emercindy.

New Fun Game We Play Over and Over

Schatz: HELP ME, MOMMY!

Me: What's wrong?

Schatz: I can't see! It's too dark!!

Me: Open your eyes.

Schatz (opening eyes): I can see! Thank you, Mommy!

Me: Anytime.

(five minutes later)

Schatz: HELP ME, MOMMY! I can't see!

Nom De Plume

Me: I love you, Kaitlyn Elizabeth.

Schatz: I not Kaitlyn Elizabeth.

Me: That's not your name?

Schatz: That's my big trouble name. I'z Schatz.