Hustler

Roger's iTouch has been missing for two days.

Mom: Where's Dad's iTouch?

Schatz: I don't know.

Maura: I don't know.

Kids help me look for the iTouch for a few minutes.

Mom: I will give a dollar to the first girl who finds Dad's iTouch.

Schatz: I'll be right back.

Schatz (from upstairs): I found it!

Mom (as Schatz hands it over): Where did you find it?

Schatz: In my packpack.

Schatz's Pronunciation Dictionary

dam∙pire: vampire

dirt∙tay: birthday

falled eagle: Bald Eagle

noo∙ni∙corn: unicorn

pack∙pack: backpack

pup∙cake: cupcake

sam∙mitch: sandwich

swim∙soup: swimming suit

Alladin's Little Helper

Schatz (to the garage door): Open Sesame Street!

Studying the Egg Carton

Schatz: There are no baby birds in these eggs.

Me: What are in those eggs?

Schatz: my breakfast

Teddy's Affections

Me: Did you know that your Daddy bought me that Teddy Bear in Kuwait before you were born?

Schatz: Why?

Me: Because he loves me very much.

Schatz: No, he no like you. That's my Teddy.

Calming the Masses

Schatz walks in the kitchen, arms out stretched, and announces, "Everything is alright. I went potty."

Thoughtful Prayer

Schatz: Mommy, make your praying hands.

I make my praying hands.

Schatz (bowing her head): Thank you for my toys. Please bring Grandma. Amen.

Triage

Schatz: No work, Daddy, stay home.

Daddy: I'm not going to work. I have to go to the doctor today.

Schatz (hands on hips): Did you eat a penny?

Icky Spider Ring

Schatz: Let me show you something. (opening her hands to reveal a Halloween Spider Ring)

Me (playing along): Eek! An icky spider! (playfully slapping at the ring)

Schatz: It's not a icky spider. It's my friend spider.

Me: What's your spider's name?

Schatz: Charlotte.