I Still Don't Understand Algebra

Schatz: What is M+3-T ?

Me: Five?

Schatz: No.

Me: Eleven?

Scahtz: Now you are just guessing.

Me: I don't know!

Schatz: It's a color.

Me: Pink?

Schatz (shouting the answer): Chameleon!

Me: Chameleon? That's not a color!

Schatz: It's all the colors!

Meanwhile, in the Amazon

Schatz: Could you fight an anaconda?

Me: No, I couldn't and I don't think I'd want to.

Schatz: Well, my Daddy can. He's got knives and guns and a bow and arrow.

Ironic and Amusing at the Same Time

Maura (age 9): We're making up a play at school.

Me: Whose "we"?

Maura: Julie, Aydenn, Iona, and Lynn.

Me: That sounds really cool.

Maura: We practice it everyday at recess. It's a lot of fun, but it's rated PG-13. (tone becomes very solemn)It's about vampires and stuff. It's really not appropriate for kids under 13.

0% Financing

Schatz: I'm not going to brush my teeth anymore, Mommy. I want them to all fall out.

Me: Why do you want your teeth to fall out?

Schatz: Because Maura wants the Cleo Monster High doll. When all my teeth fall out, I'm going to use my tooth fairy money to buy a Monster High Doll.

Me: But the tooth fairy only pays for healthy teeth. She doesn't give money for rotten teeth.

Schatz (under her breath): Bummer.

Priorities

Me: Let me hang up this coat and then we'll read your book.

Schatz (running to the kitchen): I'll get the THIN MINTS!

Schatz's Secret Identity

Schatz: Mom?

Me: Yes, Schatz.

Schatz: I'm not Schatz. When I'm wearing these glasses; call me Ghoulia [Yelps].

Me: Okie Dokie.

Schatz: Mom?

Me: Yes, Ghoulia.

Schatz: I love you.

On Finding the Remote:

Schatz: I found it! I looked in there (pointing to the bottom shelf) and my mind said, "That looks like the remote" so I reached WAAAAY back. And it really was the remote. I found it, Mommy!