A Girl of a Certain Age

After you turn thirty, it is understood that you can shave a few years off. If someone is rude enough to ask your age, they understand that the answer you give them is merely a ball park figure. On the other hand, when you are young you measure your age in fractions. I am six and a HALF. He is eight and three quarters. Zack is older than me. He is seven and eleven twelfths, but I am only seven and three quarters.

The other day, my oldest asked me why I told the man at the ticket counter that she was seven.

Mommy: Because you are seven.

Maura: Next time could you tell them I am eight?

Mommy: But you won't be eight until September.

Maura (in a very patient tone of voice): I know, Mom, but being seven is so EMBARRASSING.

Schatz

Schatz (pronounced shot-zee) means treasure in German. It is used like the term sweetie or honey in English. It's the nickname we've given our daughter Kaitlyn. She will correct you if she thinks you are calling her the wrong name.

Me: Oh, you are such a good girl.

Schatz: I no good girl, Mommy. I'm Schatz.

Kennel the Kids

Sometimes you've got errands to run, but your kids don't want to co-operate. That happens a lot at my house. One morning I was trying to get to the grocery store. I told Schatz to go get her shoes. She disappeared to the back of the house while I gathered my list, my wallet, my diaper bag. When I went looking for Schatz, I found her in the dog's kennel.

Me: Schatz, let's go to the store. We need to go buy some snacks.

Schatz: No, Mommy, no go grocery store.

Me: You have to go to the grocery store. You are too little to stay home by yourself.

Schatz: I not alone. I stay with Lucy.

Me: Come out of the kennel, please. I've got to put Lucy in the kennel so we can go bye-bye.

Schatz: You not hear me. (Putting her hand to her ear) Listen, mommy. I stay in kennel with Lucy. I no grocery store.

It seemed like a reasonable solution to the two year old...not so much to the MP's, I'm sure.

Kangaroo Poo

We took our Golden Retriever outside today to do her business. As she was hunched over trying to go, Schatz was in her face poking her and trying to love on her.

Me: Leave Lucy alone. She's going potty.

Schatz: She no go poo. She's a kangaroo, mommy.

Wouldn't you know, she does look like a kangaroo.