Parental Treachery

Schatz has decided that she is a big girl and should be allowed to walk when we are out shopping. Today we were shopping at Wal-Mart and she had gotten into trouble a few times for not listening and running ahead.

Mommy: Schatz, you have a choice. You can ride in the cart or you can hold somebody's hand.

(Schatz chose to hold her daddy's hand. A few aisles later Daddy reached onto the top shelf for something.)

Schatz (indignantly): You TRICKED me!!

Daddy: I didn't trick you.

Schatz: Yes. You. Did. (to Mom) Daddy let go of my hand so I'd have to go in the cart!

Daddy (equally indignant): I didn't trick you. Here, hold my hand. I won't let go again.

Schatz (suspiciously): Okay. Don't trick me again.

Christmas Accusations

Schatz (getting the cookies from the pantry): We need to leave cookies and milk for Santa.

Mom: No, honey. We aren't going leave cookies for Santa. It's not Christmas Eve anymore.

Schatz: Santa is going to bring me presents.

Mom: Santa won't come again until next year, Schatz.

Schatz: But Santa will be so hungry.

Mom: Santa isn't coming tonight, honey.

Schatz (stamps her foot): Because you not make cookies and milk!

Sneaky Like a Fox

Schatz was opening a present from Grandma. She tears the wrapping paper off to reveal a Britta water filter box.

Schatz: That's not for me.

She goes back to the tree for anther package.

Mom: Open the box, Schatz. Grandma likes to put her presents in boxes.

Schatz opens the box to reveal a pillow with a Moose on it.

Schatz: A reindeer! Look, Mommy. Santa's reindeer! (pauses, then laughs) Grandma is sneaky like a fox!

Stranger Danger Talk in Action

The phone rang last night and Schatz ran to answer it. On our cordless phone only one headset works at a time. She didn't realize her sister had already answered it upstairs.

Schatz: Hello. Hello? Who is this? Who is this calling? It's okay to talk, I not a stranger, I'm Schatz.

In Reference to Dinner Last Night

Dad: So, Mom says you've decided to be a vegetarian.

Maura: Yep.

Dad: Any reason why?

Maura: Not really.

Dad: You just don't like meat?

Maura: I really don't like meat.

Dad: Bummer. So no more steak?

Maura: Nope.

Dad: What about chicken nuggets?

Maura (starting to sound worried): Chicken is meat?

Dad: Yeah. So no more Chicken Adobo either.

Maura: Chicken Adobo is meat?

Dad: Yep.

Maura (after a moment of thought): I'm just going to be vegetarian against meatballs.

Mario Kart Referee

Daddy: Kaitlyn, Mommy just threw a turtle at me!

Schatz: That's no nice, Mommy. Say you are sorry.

Mommy: But I'm not sorry.

Schatz (more forcefully): Say you are sorry!

Mommy: But I'm not sorry.

Schatz: If you throw another turtle at Daddy I'm going call Santa and you'll be on the naughty list!

Exclusive Tea Party

Me: Were you helping Daddy put up the Chirstmas lights?

Schatz: No.

Me: What were you doing?

Schatz: I having tea with Baby Jesus.

Left-Handed Compliment

Maura: I really like your new purse.

Me: Thanks.

Maura (fingering the leather): Do you know what I like best?

Me: No, what?

Maura: I like that this part right here. It looks so....(searching for the right word)...trashy.

Me: Trashy!

Maura: You know what I mean.

Beethoven's Symphony No 5

Schatz: Will you sing the Giant's song for me?

Me: What song is that?

Schatz: You know. On Little Einsteins.

Me: What are the words?

Schatz: Duh, duh, duh, duhhhhhh. Duh, duh, duh, duhhhhhh. That song, Mommy.

Lawyered!

Me: Don't bring your toys in here. I'm cleaning my room.

Schatz: Why?

Me: I'm going to vacuum my room.

Schatz: Where can I play?

Me: You can play in your room.

Schatz: Will you vacuum my room, too?

Me(pausing for a moment): Yes, I can vacuum your room, too.

Schatz: Then I can't play in my room. I'll play in your room.

Wednesday Morning Status Report

Schatz (with Oreo cookie chocolate around her mouth): It's okay, Mommy. We have some cookies left. I checked.