Meltdown

In the middle of a post sleepover meltdown (which ironically was not about blueberries) when her daddy made the tactical error of entering the room.

Schatz (taking exception to his presence): What are YOU doing in here?!? You don't even LIKE blueberries!!

Mad Guessing Skills

Schatz brought a pencil and a piece of computer paper into the kitchen and pulled up a stool at the counter.

Schatz:  How do you spell "dear"?

Me:  Which one?

Schatz:  "Dear Daddy"

Me: d-e-a-r

Schatz:  How do you spell "took"?

Me: t-o-o-k

Schatz:  How do you spell "water"?

Me:  w-a-t-e-r

Schatz:  How do you spell "bottle'?

Me: b-o-t-t-l-e

(silence)

Me: Schatz, you may not borrow your daddy's water bottle without his permission.

Schatz:  How did you guess?

Me: I'm a good guesser.  Here is your water bottle.  Take your water bottle instead of Daddy's.

Bathroom Humor

My sister was telling me the FUNNIEST story this afternoon on the phone.  She's been training kids to flush the toilet since the first day of potty training.  Her kids are 6 and 4.  She was cleaning up and Willow was in the bathroom doing something.

My sister:  I need you to flush the toilet, sweetie.

Willow (age 4):  It wasn't me!

My sister:  Okay. It wasn't you, but you were in here.  So if you see the toilet needs to be flushed then flush the toilet or else our house is going to smell yucky.

Willow:  I know, Mom.  That's why I turned on the fan.

Sweet Nothings and Absolute Loyalty

Maura left this note for her daddy to find while he was getting ready for work...

We Aren't The Cosby Family

We were on our way home from a vacation in Fiji when we got the terrible news that Roger's dad had died. I was giving Schatz a little pep talk because she really doesn't **quite** understand about death.  (For the record, I was looking for something along the lines of "family".  I would have also given full credit for "love" or "caring".)

Me:  Honey, your Daddy is sad and it's okay.   Just give him a hug and tell him you love him. He'd like that because what does Mommy say is the most important thing?

Schatz: Sunscreen.

Swearing Like A (19th Century...Scottish?) Sailor

Roger and I were playing around at the pool when Schatz came up...

Me: Dad's being mean to me.  He said the S*word!

Schatz (gasps): He did?

Me:  Oh, yes!  And he said the H word!

Roger: I did not!

Schatz (scandalized, but inquisitive): Which one is the H word?

Me (whispering in her ear): Homework.

Schatz:  I hope he doesn't say the B word next.

Me (pausing):  which one is the B word?

Schatz (whispering in my ear): Bloody Hell.**

* the S word at our house is "Shut up" or "stupid".  The girls get in trouble for saying either.

** Um...she didn't learn that from us. We do need to watch our mouths around the kiddos, but Neither of us say "bloody hell', where ever she picked it up it was still pretty funny.

Would That Many Candles Even Fit On the Cake?

Dad:  Can anyone guess what's happening next week?

Schatz:  It's your BIRTHDAY!

Dad:  That's right!  You are getting a treat!

Maura:  Hey! What about me?

Dad:  You are going to get a treat, too....If you can guess what day my birthday is!

Maura (pausing to think):  May 20th

Dad:  That's RIGHT!

Schatz:  Oh!  That was EASY!

Maura:  No!

Dad:  But can you tell me what YEAR I was born?
[LONG silence]

Maura (tentatively): um...1877?

Dad (talking over Mom):  Close.  1977.

Mom (talking over Dad):  Yes! 1877!