Infidels!

We were walking out to the car last night.

Schatz: Are we going in Mommy's car or Daddy's car?

Daddy: Daddy doesn't have a car anymore. We only have one car.

Schatz: Where's your car?

Daddy: I sold my car so we can move.

Schatz (matter of factly): America stole your car, Daddy.

Reeses Pieces

Schatz (as she's putting a Reeses Pieces in my mouth): Open your mouth, Mommy, you're getting a candy. Nope, I'm getting a candy. (As she takes it away at the last minute and pops it in her own mouth.)

Schatz: Yummy.

Close Call

We were playing outside with the little boy next door. When he went inside Schatz realized he forgot his shoes.

Schatz (Covering her mouth with both hands): OH, NO! He forgot his shoes!

Mommy: Let's take them to him.

Schatz: I'll do it. (Goes to door and just looks at it.)

Mommy: Knock on the door.

Mrs. Sanchez answers the door.

Schatz says nothing, standing there holding the shoes.

Mommy: Say, Damion forgot his shoes outside.

Schatz: He forgot his shoes.

Mrs. Sanchez: Thank you so much sweetie.

Schatz: Welcome. Bye.

Mrs. Sanchez (to me): Thanks!

Mommy: No problem.

Schatz (Walking away from the front door, wiping imaginary sweat from her brow): Phew. That was close.

Gimme Five

Mommy: Gimme Five

Mommy (raising my hand): Up High

Mommy (lowering my hand): Down Low

Schatz (yanking HER hand away): NO! You're too slow!

Fine Art

When Maura was six, we took a trip to Paris. We pulled Maura out of school for a few days, but no worries, the teacher said she'd learn more about culture and history in Paris than in first grade. We saw the Effel Tower. We walked along the Seine River. We saw the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. After we'd been in the Louve for about an hour, Maura sat down on a bench with her Daddy.

Maura: Can we go soon?

Daddy: Are you tired of the museum, honey?

Maura: Well, Daddy, I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but I'm kinda tired of looking at all these penises.

Oops, I forgot

Schatz (with a slight whine in her voice): I neeeeed a driiiink.

Me: What would you like to drink?

Schatz: Strawberry milk.

Me: Okay

I go into the kitchen and I start to prepare her cup of milk. As I reach for the milk, Schatz throws herself at the open fridge.

Schatz (the whine now at full throttle): Not that one. Thiiiiis one. (pointing at the pitcher of Crystal Light Raspberry Tea)

Me: I thought you said you wanted Strawberry milk.

Schatz pauses, laughs, and without a trace of whine in her voice says: Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot.

Silly Mommy

I was explaining to Schatz that we were going to move to Colorado. I explained that the whole family was going to ride on an airplane...

Schatz: We're going to ride on airpane today?

Me: Not today, Schatz. We won't ride on the airplane until after the movers come.

Schatz: The movers are coming?

Me: Yes, Schatz, the movers are going to come and put all your toys in boxes. They are going to put all of Maura's toys and clothes and stuff in boxes. They'll put the boxes on a big ship and take them to America so you can play with your toys in America.

Schatz starts to giggle and laugh like she's just realized I was pulling her leg.

Schatz: You are so silly, Mommy.

Knocked Up and Other Nifty Phrases

When Maura was five I would walk her to the bus stop every morning. This morning we were having a rough start. Daddy was back in America going to BNCOC and had called a little latter than usual. So we were running late. Kaitlyn had a NASTY diaper right as we were walking out the door so we had to take care of that. Then Maura's nose started to bleed so we were flustered and I thought we were going to miss the bus and we rushed out the door. About halfway to the bus stop I noticed that Maura's coat was unzipped and it was COLD. Here's how the conversation progressed.

Me: Zip your coat, Maura.

Maura: I don't want to.

Me: It's too cold, Maura, zip up your coat please.

Maura gives me a sullen look.

Me: Do you want me to help you, Maura?

Maura: Yes

I get down on my knees to zip up her coat becuase I've got Kaitlyn (who is an infant) in a snuggli.

Maura: Mommy?

Me: Yes, honey.

Maura: I'm am really knocked-up.

Me: Do you know what that means?

Maura: No, but it's something REALLY BAD.

Me: It means pregnant.

Maura: Oh.

Me: Do you mean pissed off? Are you mad? (A phrase she'd heard the day before while playing with some older kids in the building.)

Maura: Yes, Mommy. I am started it get really pissed up.

So I explained to Maura that it was okay for her to be mad, but it wasn't really appropriate for a five year old to say things like pissed off and knocked up.

Maura: Okay. I won't say pissed off anymore...or until I am ten.

Beat the Heat

For this story to make sense, you need a little background information. In Germany, homes don't have air conditioning. Neither do a lot of stores and restraunts. This is not a big deal because usually there are only a few days in August that get really hot. A few fans is really all you need most of the summer. This is our third year in Germany and it's HOT! It's been swelteringly hot for about a week and a half. We've been closing the blinds and relying heavily on the fans and kiddie pool to beat the heat. A few days ago, we were in the car and I'd turned on the AC to cool us off.

Maura: This is nice, Mommy. They should make these for houses, too.