from left to right: Maura, Dad, Mom, Schatz, and Lucy Dog
Death-defying Muttering
5 years ago
Monday, April 22, 2013
When Good Parents Go Gross
Maura was sitting on the bed watching Roger and me flirt with each other.
Roger: Don't touch me! (playfully slapping my hand away)
Me: Oh...you like it when I touch you. (Putting my finger on his back defiantly.) Touching...can't be mad. Touching...can't be mad.
Maura: You know that you are totally gross, right?
Me: We aren't gross. We aren't doing anything.
Maura: I know what you are talking about doing and you are totally gross.
Me: We aren't TALKING about anything.
Maura: You two are so gross. You are gross all the time. (Hands on her hips.) You were gross ten years ago.
Me: Well, only twice....that you can prove.
Maura (is hysterical giggles): OH MY GOD! YOU ARE SO NASTY! You are both so totally gross! MY EYES! MY EYES!
Roger: What do you mean your eyes? You aren't seeing anything...shouldn't you be saying "my ears"?
Me (to Roger): I guess they are teaching Sex Ed this week at school.
Maura (in another round of hysterical giggles): MY EARS! MY EARS! OH MY GOD! DON'T EVEN SAY THAT WORD! MY PARENTS ARE SO GROSS! YOU ARE SO EMBARASSING!
Roger: Don't touch me! (playfully slapping my hand away)
Me: Oh...you like it when I touch you. (Putting my finger on his back defiantly.) Touching...can't be mad. Touching...can't be mad.
Maura: You know that you are totally gross, right?
Me: We aren't gross. We aren't doing anything.
Maura: I know what you are talking about doing and you are totally gross.
Me: We aren't TALKING about anything.
Maura: You two are so gross. You are gross all the time. (Hands on her hips.) You were gross ten years ago.
Me: Well, only twice....that you can prove.
Maura (is hysterical giggles): OH MY GOD! YOU ARE SO NASTY! You are both so totally gross! MY EYES! MY EYES!
Roger: What do you mean your eyes? You aren't seeing anything...shouldn't you be saying "my ears"?
Me (to Roger): I guess they are teaching Sex Ed this week at school.
Maura (in another round of hysterical giggles): MY EARS! MY EARS! OH MY GOD! DON'T EVEN SAY THAT WORD! MY PARENTS ARE SO GROSS! YOU ARE SO EMBARASSING!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Last Drumstick
Maura: Can I have the last ice cream cone?
Dad: No.
Maura: Why not?
Dad: There are four in a pack, right?
Maura: Yes.
Dad: We each had one last night so there's one left, right?
Maura: Yes.
Roger: Well, there are two of you (kids) and only one of me. I'm going to eat the last cone.
Maura: You can't.
Dad: Why not?
Maura: Because mom says the first thing she's going to do when she's not fat* is eat a Drumstick. That's Mom's ice cream.
Me: I can hear you! I'm sitting right here!
*Disclaimer: What I actually said was that when I get my Weight Watcher's Lifetime Membership I was going to treat myself to a Drumstick because it was the only thing I've really missed.
Dad: No.
Maura: Why not?
Dad: There are four in a pack, right?
Maura: Yes.
Dad: We each had one last night so there's one left, right?
Maura: Yes.
Roger: Well, there are two of you (kids) and only one of me. I'm going to eat the last cone.
Maura: You can't.
Dad: Why not?
Maura: Because mom says the first thing she's going to do when she's not fat* is eat a Drumstick. That's Mom's ice cream.
Me: I can hear you! I'm sitting right here!
*Disclaimer: What I actually said was that when I get my Weight Watcher's Lifetime Membership I was going to treat myself to a Drumstick because it was the only thing I've really missed.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Car Pool
We do carpool these days. The girls ride to school with Katie (Kinsey) and her son rides home with me. Earlier this week...
Maura (calling down the hallway): Miss Katie's here!
Schatz (jumping up and down as the Kinseys' Jeep pulls up): Miss Katie's here! Miss Katie's here!
Schatz grabs her backpack and follows her sister outside to the driveway. I was doing something in the back of the house so I was coming into the front room when Schatz came back into the house moping and head sadly drooping.
Schatz (throwing her backpack down on the couch): It's not Katie yet. It's just Mr. Kinsey.
Me: Well, grab your backpack. Mr. Kinsey must be driving you to school today.
Schatz (perks up at the possibilities): Really?
Me: Yep. Let's go.
Schatz grabbed her backpack and was OUT THE DOOR.
Maura (calling down the hallway): Miss Katie's here!
Schatz (jumping up and down as the Kinseys' Jeep pulls up): Miss Katie's here! Miss Katie's here!
Schatz grabs her backpack and follows her sister outside to the driveway. I was doing something in the back of the house so I was coming into the front room when Schatz came back into the house moping and head sadly drooping.
Schatz (throwing her backpack down on the couch): It's not Katie yet. It's just Mr. Kinsey.
Me: Well, grab your backpack. Mr. Kinsey must be driving you to school today.
Schatz (perks up at the possibilities): Really?
Me: Yep. Let's go.
Schatz grabbed her backpack and was OUT THE DOOR.
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