Trying Out Some New Vocab

Schatz (while talking to herself about something):  Holy shit.

Roger (choking and trying to maintain his military bearing): What did you just say?

Schatz (nonchalantly):  Holy shit.

Me: Don't say "holy shit".  It's a bad word.  I don't like it.

Schatz: Holy?

Me:  No, the other word. 

Schatz (thinks a minute): How about ship?  Can I say holy ship?

Me: No.

Schatz:  Why not?

Me: Because I'll know you mean the other word.

Schatz (winks and shots me the finger guns) : Oh. Okay.

Scotland

On the way to see the new Pixar movie Brave...

Roger:  This is going to be a great movie, I can already tell.

Maura:  How can you tell?

Roger:  Well, it takes place in my favorite place in the world...

Schatz (holding up her hand):  Don't tell me.  I want to be surprised.

Pool Party

We had a fun time at Mea's birthday party yesterday.  Ponies, swimming in the pool, playing on the swings...when Kaitlyn fell off the swing and needed a cuddle.

Me (holding and rocking her):  It's okay.  You are okay.

Kaitlyn (crying): But I can't breathe!

Me:  You can't breathe?  Did you fall on your back?  Or did you fall on your tummy?

Kaitlyn:  I fell on my head, but I couldn't breathe...

Me: You are having trouble breathing now?  Or you had trouble catching your breath when you fell?

Kaitlyn (still crying, but getting frustrated with me):  NO!  I couldn't breathe when I got my face in the water! 

Me  (thinking: in the pool...15 minutes ago!):  You couldn't breathe in the water. (rocking her again) It'll be okay.  You are okay.

She Skipped A Grade...

We were getting passport pictures the other day.  The photographer asked what grade she was in...

Schatz:  I'm in 20th.

Lodging a Complaint About Her Upbringing...

Schatz (walking into the kitchen with her blankie wrapped around her shoulders):  YOU are the MEANEST mom I've ever had!

Me:  Why am I the meanest mom you've ever had?

Schatz: Because YOU didn't wake me up this morning!  You KNOW I like you to wake me up in the morning.

Me:  Yes, I did.  Don't you remember?  I said, "Good Morning, Schatz."  and I pulled the comforter over you. You looked at me and snuggled up on Daddy and gave him a Koala hug.

Schatz (composing herself and straightening her shoulders): WELL, You KNOW I hate it when you say (using a fake pleasant voice for emphasis)"Good Morning"....AND I like to be called KATIE in the morning, not SCHATZ!!

Slithery, the Snake

Schatz: Slithery is mad at my friend Julius.

Me: Why is Slithery mad at Julius?

Schatz (shrugging her shoulders): I don't really know.  He's a snake.  It's not like he speaks English.

How I Tricked My Chld into Going to Sleep

It's summer and my kids do not want to sleep...which makes for some cranky kids (and a frustrated Mommy).  Last night, Schatz got really quiet, so immediately I knew she must be up to something.  I went to go check on her and she was laying in bed quietly with her arm in this PT belt.  I tiptoed closer to see if (gasp!) she was asleep...

Schatz (looking up at me): What are you doing in here, Mommy?

Me (pointing to her homemade traction):  That's really cute.  If you were asleep I was going to get my camera and take a picture.

Schatz:  Go get your camera and I will close my eyes like this (demonstrates) and be asleep.

Me: No, that's cheating.  If your arm is still in the sling when you fall asleep I'll take a picture.

Schatz:  Okay. I'm on it.

Ummmm...who is this child?  I'm on it?  Wouldn't you know...she closed her eyes and tried really hard to fall asleep (with her arm in traction)...five minutes later: