Memory is the first thing to go...

I was slicing some stew meat for the crock pot when:

Roger:  Next time we buy this meat, we should marinate it in that Bulgogi sauce and slow cook it in the crock pot.

Me (perhaps too enthusiastically): That is SUCH a great idea.  We should TOTALLY do that!

Roger (mischievously): You think that's a good idea, huh?

Me: Yes.  That sounds so good. (then, because Roger doesn't really cook, I asked) What made you think of that?

Roger:  You suggested it two weeks ago in the Commissary.

Me: I did?  Crap!  I'm starting to forget everything.

Roger (while dodging a playful punch in the arm and dancing out of the kitchen):  Yep, I'm going to start keeping a list of your best ideas so that I can mention them to you later and get full credit.

I Love you, Stinky Face

I'm organizing for a move and found Schatz's favorite book on her nightstand...under a huge pile of her treasures.  I'm going to tuck it into her backpack with her black Teddy, but I'm also posting it in my blog so that years from now I'll remember...that at age 4...her all time favorite book was "I Love You, Stinky Face".

A Peek At The Fears of a Four Year Old

We're in the middle of an overseas move.  Roger left this morning to drive the car and the dog to Los Angeles to be shipped overseas.  (The dog has to be quarantined for 30 days and then we'll pick her up at the other end.)  I won't be medically cleared to drive again until next week...and both kids know that Mommy's not allowed to drive right now. We've been easing the kids into this road trip for a few days, but yesterday Schatz really started to put it all together. 

Schatz:  Dad's going to California?

Me: Yeah, Daddy will be home again in two days.

Schatz: But.  What if we run out of FOOD?

Me (pointing to the full pantry):  We just went shopping. We have enough food to last until Dad gets home.

Schatz:  But what if we eat it ALL?  Then we'll starve to DEATH before Daddy gets home!!

Me (exchanging a glance with Wendy, sitting across the table):  Miss Wendy will drive us to the store if we eat all of our food in two days and need more before Daddy gets home.

Schatz looks suspiciously at us both before returning to playing with Mea.

That's right, sweatheart, get your education!!

To battle the sense of entitlement these kids are acquiring, and to build some work ethic, we've assigned the kids chores.  Among other things; Schatz is in charge of setting and clearing the table.  Maura washes the dishes.  Feeding the dog has become an unpopular task.

Me: Schatz, please feed Lucy.

Schatz: I have to feed her AGAIN!?!

Me: Yes, you have to feed her again.

Schatz: But I just fed her last night!!

Me: I just fed you last night.

Schatz:  ((SILENCE))

Me:  Are you hungry for your breakfast?

Schatz: Yes.

Me: Well, sweetie, Lucy's hungry for her breakfast, too.  

Schatz (Stomping to the pantry):  I have to do EVERYTHING around here!  (under her breath) I have GOT to get to college so I can stop being the MAID!

Bedtime Routine

We had endured a particularly difficult evening of getting child #2 to bed.  Schatz had alternated between crying and asking for one last drink of water, trip to the bathroom, hug, or kiss good night.  She had yelled things like, "Please come talk to me!!  Why won't you talk to me!  Please come lay down with me.  I'M LONELY!!".  I had been laying on the hallway floor (so she would stay in her bed).  I was ignoring the shenanigans and reading my book.  She finally passed out after a 45 minute full court press and I was walking down stairs to join Roger...

Me (tongue in cheek): Well. THAT went smoothly.

Roger (a highly decorated war veteran; shaking his head in defeat): Jamie, I've seen interactions with Al-Qaeda that went more smoothly than THAT!

Escalation of Force

We were sitting at the breakfast table and I was just tired of the shenanigans.

Me:  The next little girl who farts on her sister or shouts at her sister or touches her sister is going to be excused from the table and be sent to her room without breakfast. Period.

Schatz:  But I'm hungry.

Me:  Good.  Maybe being hungry will help you remember your manners.

Roger:  I'm glad you are not a police officer.

Me: What? Why?

Roger:  You have an extreme escalation of force.  If you were a police officer, you'd shout at the suspect and then (dismissively) just shoot him.

Me:  You know what?  I refuse to beg them to behave. 

Roger:  They are just little girls.  You are going to have to remind them a hundred times to behave.

Me:  Roger.  I refuse to negotiate with...(long pause)...my children.

Roger:  You were about to say terrorists, weren't you?

Me (meekly): Yes.

Roger: They are our children.  They are not terrorists.

Me (for lack of a better response):  Shush!  They're listening!

My Own Little Carrie Bradshaw

We found these fun wedges at Goodwill the other day.  They are about three sizes too big for Schatz, but I thought they'd be fun dress up shoes. Schatz has decided to wear them everywhere.  Last night we were going out for ice cream:

Me:  Please go put on different shoes.  Those are for play.

Schatz: But I love these shoes!  They are beautiful.

Me: They are too big.  You are going to break an ankle if you wear those shoes.

Schatz: It's okay, Mommy.  I'll break my ankle for fashion.