We were sitting at the breakfast table and I was just tired of the shenanigans.
Me: The next little girl who farts on her sister or shouts at her sister or touches her sister is going to be excused from the table and be sent to her room without breakfast. Period.
Schatz: But I'm hungry.
Me: Good. Maybe being hungry will help you remember your manners.
Roger: I'm glad you are not a police officer.
Me: What? Why?
Roger: You have an extreme escalation of force. If you were a police officer, you'd shout at the suspect and then (dismissively) just shoot him.
Me: You know what? I refuse to beg them to behave.
Roger: They are just little girls. You are going to have to remind them a hundred times to behave.
Me: Roger. I refuse to negotiate with...(long pause)...my children.
Roger: You were about to say terrorists, weren't you?
Me (meekly): Yes.
Roger: They are our children. They are not terrorists.
Me (for lack of a better response): Shush! They're listening!
3 weeks ago